How I’ve comprehended my experience………………..

This is one powerful dark attribute we should never play with.  Actually, he has a twin, envy, fraternal I believe, because envy usually comes first.  We play around with it;  “I envy you, or, I’m trying to hold back my envy.”  Don’t claim it.  It can become so busy jealousy picks up on the activity, peeps in, and if it gets all the way in, it can become so dark, so negative, and it’s a very ugly presence.  Suddenly, you’re saying things you wouldn’t normally say, even at the time and place or surroundings most unusual for you.  You may begin to act ways you wouldn’t normally act, and start doing things you wouldn’t normally think to do.  Brace yourself, it’s not all you, you’ve got a visitor.  You’ve allowed a character out of darkness to perform on your stage. If we’re not careful this monster will bring us shame, embarrassment, and regret.  It’s just best to never let him in.  Don’t toy with envy, its like a prelude for jealousy.  I’ve had to deal with him just once in my life that I can remember, and that was enough. But as a child I could always feel him knocking, that presence, trying to get in, in different little experiences.  It was the love of those I would probably had been jealous of that kept him locked out.  I remember the feeling of his presence, when I did make that mistake and let him in.  The fire behind the eyes, the sudden sadness that immediately perked anger, the turning of the belly that almost left a nausea effect, the heat rush, and some kind of presence crawling up my spine.  I’ve seen jealousy perform in other people and it was as if I could relate a little bit with it, I mean, I kind of knew how they felt.  I was glad it wasn’t me. I believe it’s an Omni present attribute of darkness, and a very big and controlling one.  It can open other dark portholes inviting hate, vengeance, retaliation, and some other guys who would love to join the party, like violence.  Fortunately I was stronger than that.  Hope you are too, if you’re ever caught with him.  I also believe I had Gods help, I believe it was Gods strength holding me back, and cutting the activity short. There are a few scriptures in the bible that mention Gods jealousy/ Ex: 20/5 & 34/14, and others.  Maybe God is the only one with a right to jealousy and the only one able to handle this character, is why he stepped in to help me, knowing mankind’s jealousy is cursed to do evil. I hope you never get slippery and let jealousy in.  You may want to believe it’s just being human.  I rather believe it’s worth the struggle to keep away from him.

Author: Cosima

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